fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
