Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
