Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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