You know, be my cock's hype man.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
