Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
