omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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