It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
