do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
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