is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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