I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
she told me i tasted like america
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
