I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
