Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
