please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
