so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
why do cheetos always look like penises
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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