I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
