im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
