I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He passed out mid-signature
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Randomize
