I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
