i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
