My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
