There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
whose parrot is this?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
FUCK WHALES
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
