just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
