the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
