I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
