i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
