hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
