all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
