Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
