You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
