God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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