Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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