I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
