don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
