just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
