dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
