i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
