VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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