No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
