I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
