i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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