Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
