I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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