i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
