3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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