Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
