well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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