I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
