You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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