I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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