Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
